Although things are going really well with me lately with my sister being here and me doing some actual travelling and seeing so much things, I'm having some sleepless nights...
Throughout the day I often feel a sad kind of feeling burn down on me. I can't quite explain why it happens or what it is exactly that I feel because it's not the crying kind of sad it's more of a, I have no idea what I'm doing with my life kind of sad. It makes me think about everything and everyone in my life. Which is a good thing, I guess. That was kind of the reason why I flew halfway around the world, to find myself.
But as I'm not sure who I am in that sense than how can I even find myself if I don't know what I'm looking for. Have I found myself already not knowing or seeing myself clearly at the time?
My days here in Australia are counted already, I've been here 5 months and a half now. So much has changed already for me in this world.
I've missed countless events with friends and family back home but I've had just as many 'events' here that non of them will ever have, not the same way I did at least.
I decided that I would try to study when I get back home and that I will make the utmost effort to buy the young stallion that gave me a severe concussion and had me lose nearly 2 days of consciousness of my life last May. These are two things that I have set as a kind of goal for myself. I figured it was something to start with in an attempt to start/do/accomplish somethings in life.
Yes, I do realise that I have already accomplished some things in life such as my high school diploma, all the horses I've ridden and achieved things with, as small as they may seem, my great Aussie adventure (well I've accomplished it so far at least) and some other small things like all the books that I've read, all the different sports that I know at least the basics of and the dishes I've learned to cook so far in life.
It feels good to be able to go back to the houses that are my homes with a goal in mind, something to do.
With this all written down I hope to have eased my restlessness.
I still cherish and enjoy every minute here in the country that absolutely stole my hart, don't get me wrong. I just hope that I will be able to find a place in my mind for all these things I think about so that they can go to bed with me safe and sound knowing that they are heard and taken care of.
Once I get back home I also plan on taking meditation lessons. My father is a skilled transcendental meditator and my sister is meditating every day as well. I plan to follow their lead.
Talk to you soon
Oh and ps: my adapter broke down today so I have no way of charging my laptop currently. I will get a new one as soon as I can to than charge my laptop and than hope to find internet to work on my big post on my day to day life here all as soon as I can!
Just bare with me for the time being!